if chicago doesn’t let me go out in bare legs by april I WILL KILL MYSELF
she has wispy gray hair and so many wrinkles her face looks like it’s dripping right off her bones. she’s on craigslist, aimlessly applying for editorial assistant positions like there’s no tomorrow. little does she know, there is no tomorrow. she’s so old she’s gonna die. she never found a job. as a result, her favorite food is vienna sausages. you know the ones - they’re canned and only found at big lots for 22 cents. that woman is me.
Okay okay officially quit smoking. No more smoking, Cat, okay?
You can’t eat healthily and exercise and think that matters if you still smoke cigarettes!
You can’t even taste food properly!! You will have terrible wrinkles!! Your lungs are black and disgusting!!
Your mother is very, very disappointed in you.
i found the shoes i will wear for the rest of my life! platform leather mary janes sob drool
so i feel like?? i wasn’t told to ~-~ absolutely not unless under special circumstances ~-~ schedule events before a book’s publication date? or at least, if anything my latest soul-crushing career saga has taught me, i’m stupid? and you need to tell me things over and over again and gently remind me of things normal people can just remember? (side note: am i stupid? i’ve always thought differently but maybe i am actually, like, dumb?) but, REGARDLESS, i scheduled events before the pub date and i’m getting yelled at and i swear to god if i need to HAND DELIVER books to stores i will DO IT.
i guess i was under the impression that scheduling 10+ events for a multi-month and multi-state tour in like two weeks deserves a cupcake but whatever.
and a week ago Boss Therapist Amy told me she wanted to hire me on for more hours and give me more responsibilities but because i wrote down ONE EMAIL incorrectly and used too many bowls resulting in a messily-stacked dishwasher she says she can’t trust me so basically i’m going to be making coffee my whole life and never get anywhere in the publishing world but WHATEVER
like, i’m sorry that i use a lot of dishes but it’s not my fault i’m out of my house for 14hrs a day and i need to eat every two hours. THAT’S WHY YOU HAVE A DISHWASHER AND HIRED AN “OFFICE MANAGER”
thank you good day
Quit your job, cut your hair
i wish it were friday after class and we met in the frick for coffee and then we decide to get stoned and go to the park and then we decide to go to nordstrom rack and then it’s time to get drunk and we have the whole weekend ahead of us
today i ate a salad thAT took 40 minutes to eat. then later i ate a burrito the size of my face. then later i ate 1/2 a chocolate cupcake. i rounded it off with two ambien and a handful of homemade granola. i also got an angry email from my boss but what else is new?