“I call myself a patriarchal woman because I was socially programmed, as are most women and men, not to see the ways in which women are oppressed by traditional gender roles. I say that I’m recovering because I learned to recognize and resist that programming.”
I hate being back at school. I hate it I hate it I just want to cry and hold Darcy
After lighting the wicks, Gary listened with a heavy heart as the squirrel and porcupine discussed their plans for that night.
i want mollllyyyyy
1209) so i’m a good kid, for the most part. i smoke a lot of weed, rolled a few times, had my share of pain killers. (vics,oc) i have a lot going for me and a lot going for my future. the thing that scares me is that i want to try other, harder drugs. cocaine seems interesting. heroin seems even better. i keep wondering to myself, could i just do it once and carry on with my life, curiosity resolved? or am i going to become one of those people you see on Intervention
and it’s probably why i felt weird all day.
this is the second one of these kinds of dreams.
i do something irreversible, like break the law in some way, so i know i have to kill myself.
in the dream i do the act, i can’t remember what it was, and then i realize all i can do is end my life. i climb to the top of a building, and i don’t want to do it, but i know i have to, it’s so fucking real and life-like. i must be hyperventilating in my sleep because it’s so fucking scary. i start thinking about how horrible it will feel, falling from a tall height would make my stomach drop and head rush, and in my dream i’m contemplating this. and i don’t want to do it, because i’m thinking about how i won’t get to live anymore and what it will do to the people left behind. i jump though, because i have to, and i don’t remember anything after that. before i jump i have this great feeling of regret and i’m trying to find ways out of suicide but i can’t do it.
the first suicide dream i had was at my high school, and i had been caught with marijuana, so for some reason i thought i had to kill myself, this dream felt so real, but nothing compared to the one last night. i can’t remember what i did to have to do that.
i guess it’s cool that these dreams let me know that i could never, ever kill myself. even though i really want to.
i love yoni. i love how he looks, i love his name. i love who loves him, i love his voice.
last night i was going to post:
sorry i ruined your new years. and then you came into the room so i had to get it off my phone.
i get the slightest bit upset, i think about colin. and then i just want to join him.
I DONT WANT TO FORGET YOU
